How to Raise Emotionally Resilient Kids

PUBLISHED ON: February 12, 2026

WRITTEN BY: Eun Young Chung, LMFT

A Therapist and Mom Reflects on What Really Matters

There was a time when I was knee-deep in sippy cups, car seats, and bedtime battles. Now my children are adults.

I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. But long before I was a therapist, I was a mom doing the best I could with what I knew at the time.

And even now, after raising two incredible adults and being married for almost 27 years, I still sometimes wonder:

Did I do enough?

Did I give them what they needed emotionally?

If I could go back, what would I do differently?

I cannot rewind the early years. But I can sit beside you, especially those of you in the thick of toddler meltdowns and elementary school tears, and share what I would be more intentional about if I had the chance.

Because almost every parent I meet carries the same quiet question:

Am I raising a resilient child?

What Builds Emotional Resilience in Children?

Years ago, a proactive mom asked me whether she should put her two-year-old in therapy “just for a check-up.” Not because anything was wrong. Just to make sure her daughter was developing well emotionally.

I understood that question deeply.

When you love your child, you want to protect them from struggle. But emotional resilience is not built by eliminating hard feelings. It is built by helping children understand and move through them.

If I could simplify it, I would say this:

There are two parenting habits I would avoid.

And three I would lean into more intentionally.

Two Things That Undermine Emotional Resilience

1. Shaming (Even the Subtle Kind)

Most parents do not intend to shame. We are trying to calm things down quickly. We want the crying to stop. We want the anxiety to ease.

It can sound like:

“That’s not a big deal.”

“You’re fine.”

“Stop crying.”

“It’s not even scary.”

What we mean is: I don’t want you to hurt.

What children may hear is: I shouldn’t feel this way.

When emotions are minimized, children can begin to believe their feelings are wrong, dramatic, or too much. Those feelings do not disappear. They go underground.

If I could go back, I would slow down more during meltdowns. I would sit beside the emotion instead of rushing to fix it.

That is how children learn emotional regulation.

2. Rescuing

This one is harder.

When your child is anxious, sad, or scared, it activates something physical inside you. You want to make the discomfort disappear.

So you say:

“You can sleep in my bed.”

“You don’t have to go.”

“I’ll talk to the teacher.”

“You don’t have to do the presentation.”

Sometimes flexibility is appropriate. Of course it is.

But consistently removing every hard situation can unintentionally send this message:

You cannot handle this.

Over time, children begin to believe it.

If I could rewind time, I would ask myself more often:

Am I helping my child grow, or helping them avoid?

Resilience grows when children experience manageable challenges with support.

Three Ways to Build Emotional Resilience in Kids

1. Give Them Language for Their Feelings

Children cannot regulate emotions they cannot name.

If I could go back, I would spend more time expanding their emotional vocabulary:

Frustrated.

Disappointed.

Embarrassed.

Left out.

Nervous.

Overwhelmed.

I would use feelings charts.

I would play guessing games about emotions.

I would narrate what I noticed:

“That looks disappointing.”

“That seems frustrating.”

Not to fix it.

Just to name it.

When children can say, “This is what I’m feeling,” they gain power over it.

2. Create Emotional Safety at Home

If I had to choose one foundation for raising resilient children, it would be this:

All feelings are welcome. Not all behaviors. But all feelings.

Instead of minimizing, I would say:

“That’s uncomfortable.”

“That makes sense.”

“That’s hard.”

Emotional safety does not mean agreeing with everything. It means communicating:

You are not wrong for having that feeling.

Children who feel safe with their emotions do not need to hide them. They learn to tolerate and move through them.

That is resilience.

3. Teach Them: You Can Feel Something and Still Be Brave

This may be the most important lesson.

You can feel nervous and still try.

You can feel scared and still walk into school.

You can feel angry and still be respectful.

Instead of removing every challenge, I would say:

“I know this feels hard. I am here. We can do hard things.”

Resilience is not built by avoiding discomfort. It is built by facing manageable discomfort with support.

To the Parent Who Is Wondering

If you are asking whether you are doing enough, that tells me something important.

Resilient children are not raised by perfect parents.

They are raised by present parents.

They need parents who repair when they lose patience.

Parents who stay curious instead of critical.

Parents who model growth out loud.

You are allowed to have hard days.

You are allowed to get it wrong sometimes.

You are absolutely allowed to repair.

That is part of what builds emotional strength.

When Parenting Feels Overwhelming

If you are feeling unsure how to support your child’s anxiety, big emotions, or confidence, you do not have to navigate that alone.

Parenting support or family therapy can offer guidance, tools, and a space to process your own reactions so you can respond with greater clarity and calm.

Support is not a sign of failure. It is a sign of investment.

And sometimes, that support benefits you just as much as it benefits your child.

Contact us to schedule a free consultation

Please note: The views expressed in this article are those of the author and may or may not necessarily represent the perspectives of our group practice.