“Acting Cute” as a Survival Strategy?: Aegyo(애교), Fawning, and EMDR

WRITTEN BY: Christina Jung, LCSW, Ed.D. EMDRIA Certified EMDR Therapist and Consultant in Training

Aegyo (애교), which means “acting cute,” is a special way people in Korean culture show affection through playful, cute behaviors that help them connect with others (Kim, H., & Lee, J., 2021). In culturally informed therapy, understanding behaviors like aegyo can help therapists explore how culture shapes emotional expression, attachment, and relational safety. In Japanese culture, kawaii (かわいい) similarly conveys “cuteness,” and in Chinese culture, sājiāo (撒娇) refers to acting in a playfully childlike way to express affection (Payne, L., 2023).

You might see aegyo in K-pop or K-dramas, such as BTS idols or characters in “Crash Landing on You” using childlike voices and big expressions. These behaviors show how cultures use cuteness to build relationships, ease tension, and connect with others.

Let’s look a little deeper. Could behaviors like aegyo serve as a defense mechanism? While aegyo is not necessarily rooted in a defensive response, considering why it may be instinctive for some can help therapists and individuals approach these behaviors with curiosity and compassion.

Aegyo Meets Trauma Psychology: The “Fawn” Connection

Trauma-informed therapists consider how past experiences shape our behaviors. When people go through overwhelming events, the nervous system may react with fight-or-flight, freeze, or fawn responses to help them cope. 

Fawning means putting other people’s needs first to stay safe, avoid conflict, or keep things calm. I have noticed that aegyo sometimes appears during different phases of trauma work, as shown by a client’s tone and gestures, such as childlike voices and behaviors. Noticing these patterns can help us wonder about their cultural meaning or whether past experiences have shaped these automatic protective responses. We can explore how aegyo might work as a protective strategy rooted in past trauma or memories. This helps therapists and clients understand the deeper causes and gain more insight.

For example, someone raised in a household where conflict led to punishment may learn to agree quickly and use nonthreatening gestures, such as aegyo, to avoid negative consequences. Similarly, a person who experienced unpredictable caregiving may become highly sensitive to others’ emotions and use aegyo to ease tension and to avoid threat.

These thoughts and experiences are shaped by my cultural and clinical perspective and interest to deepen my understanding of the connection between culture and trauma. This article explores whether behaviors like aegyo, which often seem playful, might also be protective responses to trauma. There is no research yet linking aegyo and fawning, but thinking about both can help us understand more. What seems like simple cuteness can sometimes show cultural meaning, relationship goals, or even coping strategies.

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Bringing This Into the Therapy Room

In therapy, the goal is not to label aegyo, but to help clients notice when it feels like a choice and when it feels automatic. If you are a therapist, thinking about therapy, or just curious about your own patterns, here are some questions to consider:

• Notice patterns: Does cute behavior feel playful or automatic during stress?

• Explore context: When does it occur? Around authority, conflict, or vulnerability?

• Honor cultural meaning: Aegyo is rooted in specific cultural and relational dynamics.

• Expand options: Ensure aegyo is a choice, not a default.

• Pay attention to boundaries: Especially when there is a power difference. Practice saying no and sharing your needs in ways that fit your culture.

How Can EMDR Help

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based approach that helps clients process past traumatic experiences and bring change into present patterns.

• Recognize automatic protective behaviors (like fawning or protective aegyo)

• Process early experiences that shaped these patterns: cultural, relational, or trauma-based (Ryu & Suh, 2022)

• Build fluid flexibility and choice in your responses so that behaviors like aegyo can remain playful or relational rather than becoming protective.

EMDR therapy clarifies automatic reactions, especially patterns that seem to happen without thinking. According to Francine Shapiro, many of these reactions come from unprocessed memories that remain “stuck” and influence present feelings and behavior (Shapiro, 2018). EMDR helps the brain process memories. It moves experiences from a reactive state to a more adaptive understanding. EMDR therapy can show what triggers automatic responses, help you understand your patterns, and support safer, more genuine choices grounded in the present rather than the past.

Interested in Learning More?

If you are looking for therapy or are a therapist interested in EMDR, feel free to contact me to talk about how EMDR can help. I am an EMDRIA-approved EMDR Certified therapist and Consultant-in-Training.​

To learn more about EMDR and the research behind it, visit the EMDR International Association:

👉 www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy

References

1. Kim, H., & Lee, J. (2021). How cute do I sound to you? Gender and age effects in the use of aegyo. Language Sciences, 87, 101327.

2. Payne, L. (2023). Kawaii culture. Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/kawaii-culture

3. Ryu, J.-H., & Suh, K.-H. (2022). Self-disclosure and post-traumatic growth in Korean adults: A multiple mediating model of deliberate rumination, positive social responses, and meaning of life—Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 878531. 

4. Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy: Basic principles, protocols, and procedures (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.

Please note: The views expressed in this article are those of the author and may or may not necessarily represent the perspectives of our group practice.