“Acting Cute” as a Survival Strategy?: Aegyo(애교), Fawning, and EMDR Therapy
WRITTEN BY: Christina Jung, LCSW, Ed.D. EMDRIA Certified EMDR Therapist and Consultant in Training
Aegyo (애교), which means “acting cute,” is a special way people in Korean culture show affection through playful, cute behaviors that help them connect with others (Kim, H., & Lee, J., 2021).
In culturally informed therapy, understanding behaviors like aegyo can help therapists explore how culture shapes emotional expression, attachment, and relational safety.
In Japanese culture, kawaii (かわいい) similarly conveys “cuteness,” and in Chinese culture, sājiāo (撒娇) refers to acting in a playfully childlike way to express affection (Payne, L., 2023).
You might see aegyo in K-pop or K-dramas, such as BTS idols or characters in “Crash Landing on You” using childlike voices and big expressions. These behaviors show how cultures use cuteness to build relationships, ease tension, and connect with others.
Let’s look a little deeper.
Could behaviors like aegyo serve as a defense mechanism?
While aegyo is not necessarily rooted in a defensive response, considering why it may be instinctive for some can help therapists and individuals approach these behaviors with curiosity and compassion.
Aegyo Meets Trauma Psychology: Understanding the Fawn Response
Trauma-informed therapists consider how past experiences shape our behaviors.
When people go through overwhelming events, the nervous system may react with fight-or-flight, freeze, or fawn responses to help them cope.
What Is Fawning?
Fawning means putting other people’s needs first to stay safe, avoid conflict, or keep things calm.
I have noticed that aegyo sometimes appears during different phases of trauma work, as shown by a client’s tone and gestures, such as childlike voices and behaviors.
Noticing these patterns can help us wonder about their cultural meaning or whether past experiences have shaped these automatic protective responses.
We can explore how aegyo might work as a protective strategy rooted in past trauma or memories.
This helps therapists and clients understand the deeper causes and gain more insight.
When Aegyo May Function as a Protective Strategy
For example, someone raised in a household where conflict led to punishment may learn to agree quickly and use nonthreatening gestures, such as aegyo, to avoid negative consequences.
Similarly, a person who experienced unpredictable caregiving may become highly sensitive to others’ emotions and use aegyo to ease tension and to avoid threat.
These observations are shaped by my cultural and clinical perspective, as well as my interest in understanding the relationship between culture and trauma.
This article explores whether behaviors like aegyo, which often seem playful, might also be protective responses to trauma.
There is no research yet linking aegyo and fawning.
However, considering both concepts together may help us better understand how culture, attachment, and trauma intersect.
What appears to be simple cuteness can sometimes reflect cultural meaning, relationship goals, or adaptive coping strategies.
Bringing Cultural Awareness Into the Therapy Room
In therapy, the goal is not to label aegyo as good or bad.
Instead, the goal is to help clients notice when it feels like a choice and when it feels automatic.
If you are a therapist, considering therapy yourself, or simply curious about your own patterns, here are some questions to consider:
Notice Patterns
Does cute or playful behavior feel intentional, or does it appear automatically during stress?
Explore Context
When does it occur?
Around authority figures?
During conflict?
During moments of vulnerability?
Honor Cultural Meaning
Aegyo is rooted in specific cultural and relational dynamics.
Its meaning should always be understood within its cultural context.
Expand Your Options
Can aegyo remain a choice rather than becoming a default response?
Pay Attention to Boundaries
Especially when there is a power difference, practice saying no and expressing your needs in ways that feel culturally authentic and respectful.
How EMDR Therapy Can Help
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based approach that helps clients process past traumatic experiences and bring change into present patterns.
EMDR can help individuals:
Recognize automatic protective behaviors (like fawning or protective aegyo)
Process early experiences that shaped these patterns: cultural, relational, or trauma-based (Ryu & Suh, 2022)
Build fluid flexibility and choice in your responses so that behaviors like aegyo can remain playful or relational rather than becoming protective.
EMDR and Unprocessed Memories
EMDR therapy clarifies automatic reactions, especially patterns that seem to happen without thinking.
According to Francine Shapiro, many of these reactions come from unprocessed memories that remain “stuck” and influence present feelings and behavior (Shapiro, 2018).
EMDR helps the brain process these memories and move experiences from a reactive state toward a more adaptive understanding.
Through this process, clients can better understand what triggers automatic responses and begin making choices grounded in the present rather than the past.
The Takeaway: Understanding Aegyo Through Both Culture and Trauma
The main idea is that aegyo, while playful and culturally meaningful, may sometimes coexist with protective behaviors.
Even though there is currently no peer-reviewed research directly linking aegyo to fawning, exploring the relationship between these concepts can deepen our understanding both clinically and culturally.
A culturally informed approach to trauma therapy encourages therapists and clients to explore how behaviors that appear playful or relational may also function as adaptive survival strategies shaped by personal experiences, attachment patterns, and cultural background.
The goal is not to pathologize cultural behaviors.
The goal is to deepen understanding while honoring personal choice, cultural identity, and individual meaning.
Interested in Learning More About EMDR Therapy?
If you are looking for therapy or are a therapist interested in EMDR, feel free to contact me to talk about how EMDR can help. I am an EMDRIA-approved EMDR Certified therapist and Consultant-in-Training.
To learn more about EMDR and the research behind it, visit the EMDR International Association:
References
Kim, H., & Lee, J. (2021). How cute do I sound to you? Gender and age effects in the use of aegyo. Language Sciences, 87, 101327.
Payne, L. (2023). Kawaii culture. Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/kawaii-culture
Ryu, J.-H., & Suh, K.-H. (2022). Self-disclosure and post-traumatic growth in Korean adults: A multiple mediating model of deliberate rumination, positive social responses, and meaning of life—Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 878531.
Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy: Basic principles, protocols, and procedures (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
Please note: The views expressed in this article are those of the author and may or may not necessarily represent the perspectives of our group practice.